Mortal Realm

Politics Corrections

2009-02-14T11:19:00.000-08:00

Master FOB responded to my post about Prop 8. I filter my responses, but allowed his for 2 reasons. One, I like and respect him. Two, he is right. The Church did indeed spend much time and money to pass Prop 8 in California.

It has been a while since Ben made this comment. He also sent some links. Not all of them worked, but I investigated a lot more anyway. I found a few interesting things. First of all, as the end of days gets closer, moral issues are getting more political, not just societal. And as I said before, the Church does not involved in political issues, per se, but it does get involved in moral issues.

This is a moral issue for the Church. NOT that it is trying to squelch, alienate, combat, or even confront homosexuals. For the Church, it is all about marriage and the family. This is certainly a hot issue and one that can be debated for ages. That is not my intent and I will not allow that here. And there are other LEGAL issues involved here, looking to future conflict and persecutions for the Church.

I think this kind of marks a turning point for the Church in that it is now really getting out there and making a greater effort, even greater financial efforts, to uphold its stance on moral issues. This may be the biggest instance so far, but it will not be the last or the biggest ever. I know things will get worse. And it won't just be homosexual issues.

But the Church did spend a lot of money, make a lot of effort, and ask its members to do what they could to promote a positive vote on Proposition 8 in California. It's true. SO WHAT?!?!?

It does not mean that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is not true. It does not mean that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is not the true church of God. It does not mean that the Church and/or its members hate homosexuals. Some people do, and some of those people are members of the Church. there are also church members that are racist, or that molest children, or that steal, or that lie. Members of the Church are no more perfect than homosexuals. But, generally, many of them tend to be more closed-minded and ignorant when it comes the issue of sexuality.

Recently, the legislature of the state where I live considered a bill that which, if passed, would mean that our state would not recognize marriages performed in other states or countries for homosexual couples. That means if a gay couple was married, then moved to this state, they would not be considered married here.

This bill was, fortunately, defeated by a good majority. It is very sad to me that this issue has to be a battle. I believe firmly that sanctified marriage is for and between man and woman. But I also love my SSA friends and do not want to alienate or offend them.

The End of a Chapter

2009-01-03T20:36:00.000-08:00

A couple weeks ago, Samantha and I had a visit from Maurice (Sam's father and our Stake President.) We talked about how I would soon be released as Bishop. This is actually the second time he and I talked about it. He had already explained to me that there are big changes coming in our stake and that Salt Lake said, since I would be released in just a couple more months anyway, to go ahead and do it sooner with all the other changes.

But there are two big things for me here. First, I do not want to be released. I love my YSA ward. I do not know anyone in my family ward. Three years ago, Maurice came to visit us one night and issued this calling to me. I bawled. I already had fallen in love with this YSA ward. The bishop at that time had been a long time friend whom I loved and respected. And I had already had some interaction with this ward. I cried because I knew that I would one day be released. I cannot believe the time is already here. That totally sucks. (Yes, some bishops say "suck.")

I will try to hang out at the Institute building where the members of our YSA wards meet and hang out. Thanks to them, I have a couple hundred young, beautiful Facebook friends.

The second thing is new callings. Maurice mentioned to me that my family ward Bishop already had a calling for me. That really bummed me out. I don't want to work in our family. (Yeah, bad attitude, not exactly the "I'll go where you want to go" type of thing.) He told me this the first time when he said I would be released soon. But this night when he came to talk to Sam and me, he mentioned he had another calling, for both of us. I guess I shouldn't say too much about it or exactly what it is. But i will say that we will get to work together, work with various church leaders, and work with the SSA issue in the church. I AM TOTALLY PSYCHED!!! This could be big. I think we are the first ones in the church with such a responsibility. Hopefully, we will help a lot of people, dispose of a lot of ignorance, and educate a lot of members. More later ...

I guess when one chapter ends, sometimes another one begins.

Modern Gay Politics: Part 2

2009-01-03T19:52:00.001-08:00

I apologize for the delay of this post. Actually, I was going to write about something else, but noticed I never finished my thoughts on this topic. So here it is ...

There are some ideas out there that should be dispelled. 1. The Church does NOT get involved in politics. It does not say what political candidates should be supported and who should not. However, it does take a strong stance on some political, or rather SOCIAL issues, such as gambling, abortion, and gay marriage. It is the nature of the Church to influense others, and even push their beliefs on others. We call that missionary work. We want everyone to believe as we do and we want our society to reflect our beliefs.

2. The Church did NOT finance any campaigning or efforts to promote Prop 8 or oppose gay marriage. The Church also does not tell members to spend their money on this. Being a Bishop, I receive all correspondence that the First Presidency sends out when they want to communicate to the members about issues. They ask that their letters be read from the pulpit, which simply state the church's position regarding the issues.

I lived in California when the state was considering starting a lottery. The letter out stating that lotteries are a form of gambling and the Church/Gospel is strictly opposed to gambling. That's basically about it. Sometimes members take it upon themselves to finance certain efforts to promote or oppose certain points of view. The efforts of those members should not be confused with those of the Church. I have heard people say that the CHURCH financed advertising and other efforts to promote Prop 8 and oppose gay marriage. It did not. It did not finance any such efforts, nor did it tell the members to spend their money to do so.

3. I agree that most members of the church are still pretty ignorant and do not understand anything about SSA. And I believe that a lot of their support for Prop 8 was done out of ignorance and misunderstanding. I think that the issue blew up to look like many people showing their outward hatred of gays. I think that was wrong.

4. If given the chance, I would vote to outlaw tobacco, alcohol, stores being open on Sunday, etc. And yet, I love my smoking relatives, my alcoholic friends, my sabbath-breaking co-workers, and I love my gay friends. I kind of wish Prop 8 never happened.

Modern Gay Politics: Part 1

2008-10-28T16:58:00.000-07:00

Poli: from the latin, meaning 'many'; tics: little insects that burrow under your skin and suck the blood out of you. Hence - "Politics"

There is a lot of hubbub about California's Proposition 8, which would define marriage as "between one man and one woman." So not only does that exclude gay marriage, it also excludes plural marriage. Polygamy has actually never been outlawed. Bigamy has. And most polygamists go to jail for reasons other than plural marriage. But I digress. A 'yes' vote for Prop 8 means no gay marriage, in California.

There has been a lot of discussion among church members about this, especially SSA church members. Some even think that, "I would never do it, but should be permissible for others to have that choice. Therefore, it should not be a law."

But it is already a law in the church, or at least official doctrine. In The Family: A Proclamation, it states:

The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife. ... The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.

There it is. No room for gay marriage there. Sorry. Bummer. That is the doctrine and I believe it is eternal and true. The only marriage here is between a man and a woman.

I do not mean to be mean or critical. I think I now have many gay friends and truly wish they can find great happiness in their lives. However, I will hold to the doctrine.

(more in Part 2)

Cell Phone Faux Pas

2008-10-27T22:07:00.000-07:00

My job involves service to businesses and organizations. I am typically in 3 to 6 different places a day. Today I had an interesting experience. I happen to be working near the restroom of a large real estate company. During the hour and a half that I was there, that restroom stayed pretty busy.

But then I noticed a lady coming down the hall talking on her cell phone. I though, "No, she won't head for the restroom - not while she's talking on the phone." She headed right for it. I am thinking quickly in the back of my mind while I work, "She'll get off just before she goes in. Bathrooms echo. The person on the end will know..." Nope. She went in and kept talking. I could hear the bathroom echo sound. Before long, I hear the toilet flush, and out she comes, still talking on the phone. "(NNNoooooooooo.... You can't DO that!)"

What was the person on the other end of the call thinking? What was this lady thinking??? What would you think if you were talking to someone, all of a sudden it sounds like they are in a small, tiled room, and then you hear a toilet flush close by???

So ... list of things to NOT do while talking on the cell phone: drive, walk down the street (I've seen people walk out into traffic), shower, chop vegetables, shave, operate a construction crane (or any heavy machinery), race cars, race boats, race anything, juggle machetes, perform a prostate exam, use the toilet. Uh, what else?

Baptismal Slides

2008-10-26T21:02:00.000-07:00

Funny thoughts. So I am a bishop. We recently had a special "Bishops and Ward Mission Leaders" meeting with the Stake Presidency. Baptisms and retention are up. Yeah for us. I am also very close friends with our Stake President, who is Sam's father, and I know he has a great sense of humor. That's the background. Now for the story.

So I just got an email from the Stake President (Maurice?) with an attachment. The email is entitled "Slides for High Baptizing Wards." Naturally, I see the word 'slides' and think of the slippery playground device. So I start imagining some hilarious picture of a baptismal font, with a man dressed in white standing in the middle of it, people being helped out of the font to the left, one at a time, and a line of people waiting to go down a pool-like slide into the font on the right side - a baptismal assembly line with a slide to help speed things up.

What I got instead was a PowerPoint presentation designed for new Mission Presidents. It was mostly text and not funny at all. I am so irreverent!

Time for Change

2008-10-12T14:07:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've been gone long enough. And I NEED to get back to writing. Baby steps, though...

My computer (laptop) that I have had for 6 1/2 years crashed on me this past week. It seemed irreparable, so I got a new one. Fun. But being a professionally educated idiot with a Masters Degree in business technology, I certainly did NOT have any of my precious files backed up somewhere.

So I am sitting here in my Bishop's office with my new lappy and counseling with one of my ward members about coping with family stresses, depression, anxiety, abuse, etc. We talk about writing, keeping a journal, counselors, etc. I bring up the subject of blogs, and suggest a few to her to read. I suggest that she might also find it somewhat helpful to write about her thoughts and feelings where others could give her feedback without knowing who she is. She ius quite strong and I think she could handle it.

Then a thought comes to mind, "YOU (meaning me) need to get back to it too!" Fine.

So I have a new member in my ward, a young man, first year in college. He comes to me and confesses he struggles with masturbation and SSA. "YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE," I assure him. Now what do I do? Okay, I'm an idiot. I regurgitate some of the rhetoric that I have picked up over the last couple years from Evergreen, Northern Lights, etc.

But I don't really know how to HELP him. I must be getting really old. I am sending him to YOU, all you other bloggers out there - mainly my favorite ones and those of who who will not destroy him.

As Fall approaches, I am noticing more flat rabbits on the highways. Interesting.

I have a great YSA ward. We had a tremendous Fast-and-Testimony meeting today. The Spirit was definitely strong. Hearts were touched.

Have you seen the new Picasso emoticons? %\ .^

Still MORE Dave Barry (I can't get enough)

2007-11-21T11:35:00.000-08:00

The last couple of days of Dave Barry have been too good to keep to myself.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

TODAY'S ETIQUETTE TOPIC IS: Proper Table Manners.
The rules of etiquette can be tricky. Suppose you sit down to a formal dinner, and there are three forks at your place setting. Which fork should you use? The answer - and here I am quoting from the classic reference work, The Amy and Bud Vanderbilt Guide to Table Manners and Boat Repair - is "the cleanest fork." Using your left hand, and starting with the outside fork, hold each fork up and examine it for signs of crud; if you see any, you should, without drawing attention to yourself, switch it with a fork taken from the person sitting to your immediate right.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Sir Isaac Newton, the brilliant mathematician, invented calculus, which is defined as"the branch of mathematics that is so scary it causes everybody to stop studying mathematics." That's the whole POINT of calculus. At college and universities, on the first day of calculus class, the professors go to the board and write huge incomprehensible "equations" that they make up right on the spot, knowing this will cause all the students to drop the course and never return to the mathematics building ever again.

More Great Dave Barry, Teenager Stuff

2007-11-18T21:50:00.000-08:00

I think of Dave Barry as a modern-day Mark Twain. He is very witty, intelligent, a great observer of human nature, and quite funny. Here is another one of his daily calendar excerpts.

Friday, February 16, 2007

In 1964, when I was a student at Pleasentville High School, I had a class with a teacher who had a major odor problem, to the point where, when he'd stroll past the rows of desks, which he did often, students would keel over in his wake. Being teenagers, we might have handled this situation in a cruel manner. But instead, one day, as the teacher walked past, a student in the front row, whose name I will not reveal here, sensitively whipped out a can of Right Guard deodorant, fired off a brief blast, then quickly hid the can before the teacher turned around. This gesture was so sensitive that many of us thought we would rupture key internal organs from vibrating so hard.

Frustration Leads to Stupidity

2007-11-15T19:50:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's just too darn tempting! Anyone who engages in a battle of wits and loses so pitifully, and then resorts violence, is obviously sheltered and immature. If a person says "I will not engage in futile rhetoric", he should stop there and not prattle on with a bunch futile rhetoric. (See comments from last post.) I now understand the irresistible compulsion that Sam and Mr. Fob feel to relentlessly poke fun at Marvin's tremendous ignorance. He cannot compete with them on any intellectual level and that frustrates him. So now he has resorted to physical violence. He has threatened Sam, me, our children, Master Fob, and our relatives.

He doesn't get it. THIS IS A BLOG!!! It is a personal forum for WORDS. People have the right to say whatever they feel, and the right to limit access to those who do not belong. What the heck is a bigot like that doing here??? It is exactly his kind of thinking, opinions, and threats that lead to hate crimes, the KKK, and people like Hitler.

So here’s another Dave Barry excerpt. Once in a while, he’ll have a day where he just lists some “great names for a rock band.” This commentary kind of goes along with those.

Friday, January 5, 2007.

I have received some important information via a letter from Claire Nordstrum, thirteen, a student in Wisconsin (state motto: “Moo.”). Claire states that her science teacher told the class that “it’s a proven fact that on average a person eats six spiders in a year.” Another science fact this teacher revealed, according to Claire, is that “wood ticks breathe through their butts.” This sounds logical to me, since if a wood tick had its while head burrowed into your body, it wouldn’t be able to breathe through its face (assuming ticks have faces) unless it was wearing some kind of tiny snorkel, which is unlikely, although I think we all have to agree “The Wood Tick Snorkels” would be an excellent name for a rock band.

Monday, January 29, 2007

- GOOD NAMES FOR ROCK BANDS -

The Flying Shards
The Fierce Prune-Eating Hamsters from Space
Marcel and the Turpitudes
The Groin Whappers

More Dave Barry

2007-11-15T05:55:00.000-08:00

I suppose it might have been more appropriate to post these on the days to which they correspond. So here is another one I find particularly funny.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007.

SCIENTIFIC QUIZ TO DETERMINE IF YOU ARE A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER:

1. Do large men sometimes break your thumbs?

2. Have you ever lunged accross a table to strangle a seventy-three-year-old grandmother simply because she said, quote, "Bingo"?

3. Have you ever, after gambling away your money and pawning your possessions, said, "Hey, why do I need TWO kidneys?"

4. Have you ever attempted to place a bet on the chariot race in Ben Hur?

5. If so, did you bet against Charlton Heston, your reasoning being that, hey, one of these times he has to lose?

You Might Be A Redneck

2007-11-14T12:04:00.000-08:00

The title is for our new friend, Marvin. We have had a lot of fun the last day or so. (Notice I am keeping my words small and I correctly used the phrase "a lot" as 2 seperate words, not one.) Hi Marvin.

So I have been admiring the great work of Dave Barry lately. Last Christmas, Sam gave me a Dave Barry daily calendar thing, you know, the ones where you tear off a sheet a day to reveal a new quote, or picture, or whatever. Those are the greatest. And since Dave is from the south, I thought our new redneck friend might also appreciate an excerpt or two from the calendar.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007.

It is time once again for Ask Mister Language Person, the award-winning column whose motto is: "People judge you by the way you talk, especially if you spit on them." Today, as is our usual custom, we will start with our first question, which is:

Q. Like most people, I would like to use the words "parameters" and "behoove" in the same sentence, but I am not sure how.

A. According to the Oxford English Cambridge Dictionary of Big Words, the proper usage is: "Darlene, it frankly does not behoove a woman of your parameters to wear them stretch pants."

Interesting News & Great Company

2007-10-21T05:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, I shared this with Sam yesterday, hoping that she would share it with everyone else. But we were both too busy to get this out. Now I may be late for my Sunday morning meetings, but I cannot contain myself any longer.

DUMBLEDORE IS GAY!!! It's true. J.K. Rowling outed him a couple days ago. There is a very interesting article on the BBC News site, here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7053982.stm I like her explanations and the way she handle it, for the most part.

Spread the word.

Facebook Consumption

2007-10-13T19:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, I haven't been earnestly putting up small, frequent posts like Ambrosia as I intended. I have been regularly checking and updating my Facebook page. Yeah, the ol' Bishop is on Facebook.

I remember a couple years ago when I was on the Stake High Council, the teenagers in our stake were getting into trouble on MySpace and on Facebook. The High Council members would talk to Bishoprics about the problems and tout the horrors of teenagers online. We also told parents to check up on their kids and get rid of their Facebook and MySpace accounts. Hahahah.

So hear that MySpace is not as "good" as Facebook. By "good" I mean safe. Of course, as Darrin Stevens, I did have a MySpace account for a little while, but I didn't really do anything with it, and never explored MySpace.

Facebook, I see, is fun. I found that many of my student ward members were on Facebook. So with Ammon-like optimism (Alma 17:27-30), I saw this as an opportunity. I opened an account (but did nothing for 2 months.)

Then I went back online, started my page, and invited some friends. Actually, I started my page previously when the wife of the first counselor in our Stake Presidency invited me to join as one of her friends. She's a GRANDMA, for heaven's sakes, and SHE is on Facebook! I searched for members of my ward and other students that I know at our Institute.

Once I started adding some "friends", I saw "Facebook Groups" and got an idea. I started a Facebook group, named it after my ward, and invited the members of my ward I could find. Lots of fun and ward unity! We are having a good time. Well, I am having a good time.

Of course, some people seem a little out of control. My 16-year-old niece keeps asking questions and inviting me to add ridiculous Facebook applications. My son, DJ, has started campaigning to run for President of the United States in 2028. I've joined his group in total support. But what's with "Invisible Children at...", "Worthy Priesthood Holders Who Love Rum Cake", "Awkward Turtle", and all the other crazy groups?

To add to my own amusement, I have decided that I know all my friends from very strange and/or unusual circumstances, like from a "Bulgarian orphanage", the "Stop Global Chilling" science team", we "lived on a desert island together from 1966 to 1971", or "we were tag-team thumb wrestling partners." I am not very creative, but I have come up with some that are pretty funny, at least to me.

I'm sick!

2007-09-23T21:22:00.000-07:00

I don’t mean to say that I am all gay-ed out, just having finished my second Evergreen Conference. I started getting sick Friday night. By Saturday afternoon, I had it, a cold-like thing – sore throat, stuffed sinuses, aches, etc. I apologize for being so anti-social at ATP’s movie night.

The conference was another great weekend of my life! I love these friends of mine!!! I cry terribly as I think of the trials they have, and I know it’s not just SSA. But my heart leaps with joy when I can be with them. And for the hetero side, there were more good-looking and hetero girls there this year. Even more of the lesbians were good-looking. (I really like to see good-looking people.)

I learned more, and that is the point. Dave Matheson, Jeff Robinson, and Rich Wyler have got some good parts of the thing figured out, but no one has it all. They claim to have it all figured out, but I know otherwise. In a way, it is fun putting the puzzle together, but it would be nice if it could eventually end some day. We are getting ever closer.

I wish I could do more at the conference.

A big “YO” to my new friends: the coolest and very beautiful Stephalumpagus (I wish you were in my ward!), lunchtime friend Edgy Killer Bunny, the Bi-Coastal Warrior/Struggler, and the many others I met or met again this weekend. And of course it was most awesome to see Smurf, Pinetree, and our other good friends in (not quite) Zion.

Now I’ve got to gather my notes and remember what I learned. Oh, and "Warrior" is the new "Struggler."

Stinking Mohos

2007-09-04T16:27:00.000-07:00

I must be spending too much time with Mohos and moho stuff. I think it is starting to rub off onto me. A girl at work cut her hair and think it s really cute. I kept thinking that everytime I saw her today. Stinking Mohos.

My new favorite blog is Ambrosia Ananas'. It's just great! She is awesome. I am going to try to write more like her - brief and to the point, and more often.

Tagged, I'm one of 'em

2007-07-10T06:14:00.000-07:00

See the origin of this plague here, and here. I'm not sure who started it first.

Look for your name at the bottom.

THE RULES

1. All right, here are the rules.

2. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

3. Players start with eight (8) random facts/habits about themselves.

4. People who are tagged write their own blog about their eight (8) things and post these rules.

5. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight (8) people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

And adding one of my own,

6. Try not to tag those who have already been tagged.

My Random Facts

1. The stuff (non-people) that I love the most: chocolate, cars, italian food, fishing, the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

2. I do HTML and organic website SEO.

3. I cannot hold down my pinkies with my thumbs (to show the number 3 on my fingers.) I damaged both my thumbs playing football in high school.

4. I love to watch the Food Network and Speed TV.

5. I don't read. I CAN read, I just don't. I much prefer pictures. There is a Mexican restaurant in our town that has most of their menu in pictures. When I get a menu without the pictures, I'm lost.

6. If I could go anywhere in the world for a few years, it would be Brussels - good food, good people, good climate, my favorite chocolate.

7. I love cars. They are perhaps my greatest non-human passion. I am even a car bigot. I refuse to own any car that is Swedish or Korean, a Nissan, or a Dodge/Chrysler/Plymouth, unless it is from the 60's. I would prefer a rear-engine, German, sports car, like a Porsche 911-SC or an old Bug. I used to have a '67 Bug. Sam hated it. I loved it.

8. I have a brief, vivid, childhood memory. When I recounted it to my mother, her eyes grew to the size of saucers and her chin hit the floor. It was the scene of my first birthday.

TAG, YOU'RE IT!
Now it's your turn: Wife of a gay Mormon, Smurf Yourself, Pinetree, thrasius, and mormon enigma. I don't really know many people out there. I'm a lousy bogger. So I decline to add more.
Copy the rules into your post and follow them. Then tag 8 other people, who, preferably, have not yet been tagged.

Already tagged, many times: Samantha, Calvin, Stephen, Stephalumpagus, Kengo Biddles, Mulan, playasinmar, AttemptingThePath.

Corrections and Lessons

2007-07-09T19:55:00.000-07:00

First the corrections. It's Jason, not Joshua. Sorry, Jared, I mean Jerry. Sam says I am a lousy blogger. No correction there. I just don't have time to keep up. And my favorite writers don't write often enough, like Pinetree, Smurf, and Tito. There are others that I have met, and love, but I don't know where their blogs are, and I just can't keep all the names straight. Perhaps if I had more time to spend online...

My local Mohos (in my YSA ward) have not been around. One went home for the Summer, and the other just hasn't been around. One of them and I went to the Dave Matheson fireside a few months ago. I have been thinking a lot about it since then. At first, I think he over simplified things. He seemed to say that if you would just remove the blockages in your life that prevented the natural heterosexual development, you can then become a heterosexual. Hmmmm, ... remove the blockages... We joked about it a bit afterwords. "Yeah, just take your homo laxatives and you'll be all right."

Tito actually helped me to take him more seriously. I have actually thought about a lot since then. Certainly, he couldn't have given us all the complexity in just one brief fireside. On the long drive back home the next day, I talked more about with this guy in my ward. He had been thinking about quite a bit too. He finally admitted that there had been some relationship issues between he and his father as he was growing up - a blockage. He figures that this probably did affect the development of his sexual identity. Interesting.

Obviously there can be many different kinds of blockages in the life of a child - an absent parent, sexual abuse, mental abuse, conflicting interests of the parents, lack of understanding of life principles, excessive pressure to live a certain way (like living the Gospel), fear of disappointment, etc. As combine this with the info I have gained from Evergreen and other sources, things start to make more sense, and I feel I can understand a little more. I admit that I still have a long way to go, and I am enjoying the ride. I love to learn.

Okay, the previous paragraph may sound weird. But I have witnessed some of our young moho friends who struggle more when there is more stress and strife in their lives, than when there isn't. And I have witnessed many other people who give in to temptation and struggles, even alcoholism, when they are burdened with other problems.

So stress, depression, fatigue, anxiety, and other negative impressions that beat down on a person probably make the SSA worse at times. These are the same things that I have seen that cause others to have problems with pornography, masturbation, and other sexual immorality and chastity issues. These things also cause people to neglect their prayers, scripture study, and meeting attendance. And they diminish one's faith. Interesting.

I know there is a lot more to it. But these are just some of the things I've learned lately. What have you learned?

A GREAT Weekend With the Mohos,and straight girls

2007-07-03T17:21:00.000-07:00

Sam and I are finishing up a tremendous weekend. We went to Utah and met way cool people, some of whom were also just there for the weekend (or otherwise temporarily.) We met for the first time, in person, Elbow, Jared & Leslie, Drex & Salad, Hybrid, and several others. I got to go to the Matis' FHE for the first time, and had a BALL! We had dinners and lunches with the absolute best company! And be got to spend time with some our favorite friends, like AtP and Tito. There are too many names to mention and I am too old to remember to mention everybody.

I love these experiences because I love to be with great people and I love to learn. I learned more about SSA this weekend. I know this might sound "gay", but it is incredible how much my heart is growing so that I can accommodate more love for these friends of mine. I really wish I was independently wealthy and retired so that we could afford the time to be with them more often.

Another frustration - I don't know to share what (little) understanding I have with the other church leaders. They need to spend time on the queerosphere and with these coolio people. I don't see it happening soon, but maybe sometime... Perhaps I can talk one or two of my fellow bishops into coming to the E.I. conferernce in September. That would be cool, and maybe a shock for them too. Hah!

Got to go eat with the straight relatives now. Not as fun, but they are harboring newly born wild ducklings.

What's up with the MoHo's?

2007-04-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

MoHo is the new definitive term for those who have same-gender attraction and are faithfully striving to live the gospel of Jesus Christ according to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. See Tito's latest post. He actually gives an excellent definition and he completely covers the proper usage of the term. I think his post should be copied and used as a Wikipedia entry for "MoHo." Since I am not a MoHo, I do not feel qualified to do this myself.

In fact, I am feeling a bit left out. I want a cool new nickname too. Since I am not a MoHo, but I do feel very close to them, I am hereby declaring myself a FOTM. It rhymes with "bottom." FOTM is a word that is actually an acronym that stands for "Friend of the MoHo's." This term is reserved for true supporters and lovers of the MoHo's, not just FagHags and the like. It for those who go to Evergreen conferences even though they are not same sex attracted. It is for the hetero people who blog about MoHo stuff, and do so in a positive and loving way.

Okay, FOTM may resemble FOB. In no way do I wish to be associated with Master FOB or any FOBs. Though my heart and prayers go out to his amazing and wonderful soon-to-be ex-wife, I do not know him, nor am I a follower of him. I am just stealing his idea.

There were other possibilities that I considered, but it is after midnight and I am tired. For example, I thought of "Supporters of the MoHo's", but that would be SOTM, and that makes me think of Sodom and Gomorrah. Oh, FOTM might be a good word for Anti-Scrabble players.

Are there other FOTMs out there? If you now of one, or think you may be one, please comment and let know. I think our definition should closely follow Tito's of the MoHo's. So please explain your qualifications.

I suppose I ought to explain mine. I feel am a faithful latter-day saint. I am quite active in the Church, and serve faithfully in my calling. I confessed lately that I canNOT deny the feelings I have had, feeling the Spirit bear witness of the truthfulness of the Gospel. At the same time, I have developed friendships and a strong brotherly love (yes, LOVE) for my same sex attracted friends, like Tito, Smurf, Pinetree, ATP, NakedNative, Steve (see post below), and others. I think there ARE some good FOTMs out there, they just don't know of their new name yet. Some of those might be Wiggle, FoxyJ, and AGirlWho. We could be friends, brothers, sisters, spouses, parents, kids, or other relations of MoHo's.

FOTMs, united and let yourself be known. MoHo's, we're here for you. I look forward to the next conference, to seeing my wonderful MoHo friends, and hopefully meeting some new FOTM friends.

Positive Male Relationships

2007-04-04T20:52:00.001-07:00

So I met briefly with the struggler guy in my ward. I think I've mentioned him before, but I can't remember what name I gave him. Let's use "Steve." That's a good name. I don't know anyone named Steve. So Steve and I met for a few minutes. We haven't met for a while and I have felt a need to talk with him. I miss our meetings. He teaches me and always feel good when we meet.

Steve is an amazing guy! He works out all the time, he works a few jobs, not needing any of them, he attends all the activities, he runs in marathons, and competes in triathlons, and he is a full-time student. He is friends with lots of people, guys and girls, LDS and non-LDS, older people and younger people. He is one of those overachievers who is constantly going, non-stop, all the time. And he is always smiling and happy. Naturally, there are always a few girls in love with him.

We talked a little about the things I've learned, and the things he's reading, and other stuff. He brought up the point that, as a "struggler", he is supposed to be developing "positive male relationships" with straight guys. "What is that?!?!?", he asked. "I don't have those. I don't know if I ever will.", says Steve. "Whoa. Wait a minute. Yeah, you do. That's all you have.", I said. "All the guys you know are straight and you have good relationships with them. You have several good, close, guy friends. Those are positive male relationships."

I went on, "I think you are doing much better than most (SSA) guys.You don't really even have any gay friends. Let me give you something to compare it to," I said. "I know an SSA guy, and all his friends are other SSA guys. He often has problems with them, sometimes big relationship issues, like a junior high kid. He doesn't have much of a relationship with his dad, and he is scared and critical of straight guys, etc. That is a person that doesn't have "positive male relationships."

Steve has actually avoided meeting and being with other "strugglers." (I have to put it in quotes because it's not really an accurate description. Smurf says he doesn't struggle any more and resents being referred to as a "struggler." He's right.) I think Steve avoids other SSA guys because he is afraid of developing inappropriate relationships. He is being very careful - so much so that I think he would rather just avoid other SSA guys all together. Nonetheless, he works very hard at dealing with his SSA. He is amazing.

So now I wonder if I have positive male relationships. I know a lot of guys, but none are close friends. The only people I go out and do things with are my immediate family (Sam and the kids.) Okay, occasionally I go do stuff with Maurice, Sam's dad. He and I are like best friends, aside from our wives. But that's only one. I don't feel uncomfortable, necessarily, just a little weird when I think about it. I suppose some of us have a greater need than others. I have never questioned my manhood or manliness, nor have I ever worried about it. I ma comfortable with who and what I am.

So there is this issue that I have been thinking about, concerning varying male needs and positive male relationships. I believe each male has their own level needs when it comes to being reassured of their male-ness, their manhood, touching, love, comfort, and other needs. Some have greater needs, some have less. And when those needs are not met, some things can get mixed up, perhaps altered. For most people, I thinks the needs start a very young age, 3 or 4 even. And when the needs are not met, the results begin to be felt sometimes by the age of 6 or 7. Why else can most SSA guys say that they recognize those weird feelings starting at such a young age? Just my thoughts and observations...

Well I don't think that is the end, only the beginning. I truly believe there is hope, and joy, and blessings awaiting those who struggle with these feelings and continue to faithfully do what is right. I have heroes out there, like Tito, Smurf, The Great L, and AnotherOther. It CAN be done. My hope are prayers are with you.

Now I have to start working on a post about MoHo's.

Manly Man?

2007-02-18T19:12:00.000-08:00

I’ve got the MAN side, and the kind of not so man side, or something. Who is to say what’s manly and what’s not. Sometimes I wonder about myself, my likes and dislikes, etc. Shall we start with the manly stuff or the “questionable” stuff?

The Manly

The absolute greatest secondary passion in my life is cars. I so love to work on cars, to see cars, to be with cars, to identify cars, to read about cars, to watch shows about cars, to drive cars. I recently had someone else change the oil on one of my cars, and practically killed me. (More about my feelings for cars in another post. I can do many posts just on cars.) Someday I hope to build my own car, perhaps from a kit, or rebuild an old car. That would be paradise. I love cars! Just thinking about cars makes my heart race, and my mind wander. I may have to start another post, just about cars, before this one is done.

I like sports too. I can sit and watch almost any match. I prefer to watch the sports that are constantly moving, like basketball and soccer. I participated in sports as much as I could when I was younger, but was limited as a teenager by Osgood-Slaughter disease. I never have recovered form that. But I suppose there is a certainly lack of a manly quality when it comes to sports spectatorship – I am not a devoted fan. I prize good sportsmanship and excellent plays on all teams. The only team to whom I am truly devoted is the Oakland Raiders from the late 60’s and early 70’s.

Meat. I like meat. Almost all meat. Not shellfish. But I do love beef, pork, chicken, turkey, moose, elk (I LOVE elk meat), and fish, especially salmon. And I like my meat cooked, never raw, except perhaps for an occasional carpaccio. Give me a burger, a hotdog, chops, ribs, a steak, a chop, whatever. I could eat just meat for any meal. Which leads me to another manly thing. I can and do over-eat. Sam says I always whine when I do. I call it bragging. And I do it with a smile.

Construction. I like to pick up a handful of tools an build something. I always think I need more tools. Construction is manly. And whatever it is, I can build bigger, stronger, and better than anyone else. Tinkering too. If something is broke, I’ll fix it. If it’s not good enough, I’ll improve it. Ever watched “Home Improvement”? That was me in that show. You know those cheap little video tape re-winders? We had one that was jammed or stuck or something. So I grabbed my hammer and chain saw and went to fixin’ it. No problem. In fact, I found that by switching a couple gears and belts around, I could make it work 4 times faster. “New and Improved!” It worked great for the first 2 tapes. But when it started to break the tapes, Sam made me throw it away.

Fishing. Though my dad took me fishing a few times as a kid, it was really Sam who taught me how to fish. Blood and guts gross me out completely! So sticking a hook through a worm several times and gutting fish were not at all possible for me. As a kid, I used salmon eggs for bait and my dad always cleaned the fish. Through Sam’s help and patience, I very slowly got over my fears. After 3 or 4 years of constant fishing for wild trout, I was occasionally brave enough to bait my own hooks with real bait, and almost able to gut a fish. I have finally progressed to the point rummaging through the guts of the fish after I catch ‘em to see what they are eating. And I think I have even learned some of the fishing nuances on my own. I love wandering up and down creeks and rivers. It may still be several years, or the next lifetime, before I can bring myself to dress an elk, though.

Women. I can appreciate feminine beauty. When it comes to sex, I feel DEFINITETY like a heterosexual. I am confident in that. I cannot understand being attracted to the same sex, physically. Bluntly, girls turn me on, not guys. I have been drawn to men in the past, but never sexually. I have felt a desire to be closer to those that are intelligent, confident, successful, athletic, and disciplined. I admire admirable qualities, in both sexes. Though I will admit that I think I can tell if a guy is good-looking or not, I am only turned on by females. Though I only laugh, and am not offended, when people think we are at SSA activities for me.

Less than Manly

First, the more excusable stuff. Cooking. Like all guys, I love food. I also love to make food. But I see this like construction. I use cool tools and I build something, like a stew. I got knives, cutting boards, pots, bowls, blender, microwave oven, etc. I think cooking is actually quite manly.

Flowers. I like flowers. They look good and smell good. Nothing wrong with that. In the most manly movie I have ever seen, John Wayne plays a boxer that retires early because he killed someone in the ring. He goes back home to Ireland where he was born …and plants ROSES. His wife harasses him for not planting vegetables. So maybe flowers are for tough guys. Maybe you better be REALLY tough to admit you like flowers!

Ironing. Okay, I don’t really like ironing, but I am somewhat particular about it. Sam says I am VERY particular about it. But in the 21 years we have been married, she has offered to iron my shirt for me 4 times. I was grateful and didn’t care how she did it or how it looked. Actually, she irons pretty well. I just had to include this one for her.

Shopping. I love to shop, but only for myself. I love to shop for clothes, jewelry, computers, cars, almost anything. Spending money is fun. Getting new stuff is fun. Shopping is cool.

My Appearance. I like to be clean, look good, smell good, and make sure what few hairs I have left are in place. I am not as fanatic about it as I used to be. But I do take long showers, shave 6 days a week – sometimes 7, and always make sure all the clothes I am wearing match, even if it's just jeans and a T-shirt. I am a short, fat, gray and balding, out of shape man, so I have to make up for it any way I can. Yes, I color my hair.

Chick flicks. I like most of them, but not all of them. Some are truly too sappy. But Cary Grant is my favorite actor, and Myrna Loy my favorite actress. They both made comedy chick-flicks – not too sappy, very entertaining. My favorite movies are: The Bachelor and the Bobbie-Soxer, Walk Don’t Run, An affair to Remember, and Charade. Great flicks, even for guys.

Chocolate. I am very passionate about chocolate. I don’t eat anything from Hershey’s. That’s just dirt. Lindt is probably the best. My favorite brand is Côte D’Or. It’s Belgian. Can’t find it anywhere around here. Most chocolate that is used for chocolate fountains is of pretty poor quality. I guess people get the cheapest because they have to have a lot for the fountain. I can eat any quantity of good, quality chocolate, even desserts that most people find too rich. I like to eat my chocolate slowly, savoring the flavor, make it last. When I get my Côte D’Or chocolate, it lasts me months. Sam eats hers all in one day. I am almost as passionate about chocolate as I am about cars.

There are probably many other things I could mention, like the joy of emitting bodily noises, crying during sad movies, gossip, snoring, etc. I believe that no man is completely masculine, and no woman is completely feminine either. It’s okay. I think some people take more efforts to hide those qualities they possess that they think others might criticize. Those qualities do not make them more or less men or women, masculine or feminine. I have a step-father and a brother-in-law that are quite masculine, but appear fairly feminine. I once had a co-worker that was ten times more feminine than his wife. It was scary. I have also heard that 1/3 of professional football players are homosexual. Go figure.

I suppose femininity and masculinity don’t necessarily have anything to do with homosexuality and heterosexuality.

Insights and Progress

2006-12-19T21:19:00.000-08:00

It has been almost a year since we started this new experience. My own studies have actually been only the last 9 months or so. I feel like I‘ve learned a lot, but I know it’s not nearly enough. I want to learn more, I want to do more, I want to be ABLE to do more.

There is a young man in my ward who deals with SSA. Let’s call him Arthur. I was only the third person he has told. We have become friends and visit often. We have shared experiences and feelings. Through Arthur, I have been able to learn much more about SSA, for men. Hear are some things I have learned.

1. Pain. Those in the church who deal with SSA typically go through a lot of internal, mental, emotional, psychological anguish. The dichotomy between the gay lifestyle and the teachings of the church is almost too much to accept. Many leave the church, or at least do not live the gospel. The few who completely give in to the gospel, though, end up much happier and with many more blessings. I look at my 2 favorite examples – Tito and Smurf. Even aside from the SSA issue, these are guys worth knowing. They might still have some of the pain of SSA, but they have learned to deal with it. They now control the SSA in their lives, it does not control them. Certainly this must help to ease some of that pain.

2. Actions are what matter. Feelings and inclinations come to us naturally. It takes long, hard work to be able to control those things. Even then, I don’t think they can be controlled completely. I think much of this work also has to do with some of our choices. The feelings of SSA come to men naturally and that itself is not bad. It is what we DO with these feelings that matters. Men with SSA can live worthily, hold callings, go to the temple, and have the guiding Spirit in their lives. It IS possible and so much more important for them. As for all of us, it is what we DO that counts.

So Arthur has confided in me some things he has learned lately. These things have given him and me some insight and understanding into his SSA. Granted, everyone is a little different, but this has helped him make some progress.

1. When he was a kid in grade school the other kids teased him, calling him a name associated with homosexuality. None of them really understood it much at the time, but he grew up gradually gaining the understanding of the name. This led Arthur to be overly sensitive of anything that might associate him with homosexuality. Consequently, he went a bit too far, especially around other guys. This, he believes, affected the development of his manhood, leading to SSA. Avoiding the issue actually made it more evident.

2. Recently Arthur came to my office to visit with me. He had a new breakthrough. He realized that the guys he had crushes on were guys that had qualities that he wanted. Arthur is very athletic, working out all the time, and competing in triathlons. These guys were built better, or faster, or whatever better than he was. They were people that he wanted to be like. Arthur even realized that he once kind of had feelings for a woman that he thought was a better triathlete than him. Then he beat her in a race, and the feelings left.

3. In this recent visit, he also told me that he has finally confessed to another friend. He first made sure that the guy was absolutely straight – no SSA feelings whatsoever. Arthur is deathly afraid of getting together with another SSA guy. The friend accepted him, no rejection. From there, they were able to talk about “What it’s really like to actually have feelings for a girl”, and other stuff. This did 2 things for Arthur. First, the acceptance reassured him that he’s alright, SSA is not a horrible thing. Second, he’s able to now look forward to a possible romantic relationship with a girl, and thinks that it will be okay.

The main point is that he found things that contributed to his SSA and reasons why he has feelings for other guys. I think some people call these “triggers.” This understanding has helped him to separate the SSA feelings from his other feelings, putting them off a little, giving him hope that he might eventually be rid of them. By identifying these elements of his life and character, he can move forward. The understanding has given him power.

Arthur is truly blessed. Though the experience is a little different for each guy, I think the basic principles are the same, especially the first one listed at the top of this post. I am sure that Arthur has only been blessed with this progress because of his faith and dedication to the Gospel, because of his commitment and covenants. He still has bad days once in a while. We all do. But he has more good days now, and those days are getting even better. And I am too.

Blood Sport

2006-12-18T11:54:00.000-08:00

It’s Christmas time. The semester ended today. The remaining students from the singles wards got together on Friday night. There was food, camaraderie, social mingling, lots of fun. There was also some pretty amazing violence. People went to the hospital, ER.

A couple weeks ago I mentioned to my ward leadership that maybe we should have a ward Christmas party. All the family wards in town were doing it, why not us too? We could do it on Friday, after all the finals were over. Other Bishops said, “No one will be here. Everybody goes home when their finals are done.” I polled some students. There would be some here, 10-20 or so from our ward. That’s enough for me.

My Elders Quorum President had a different idea. (This is the guy who wore a ‘Hooters’ t-shirt to FHE one time.) He said, “We were thinking we would have and EQ activity that night, kind of a man-building thing.” I asked, “Could we turn it into a ward activity? Get some food? Hang out?” “Sure. We could do that. We are gonna have our fight night too. We can also invite the Relief Society to fight”, he says. Great.

So the EQ offers to host the ward activity. They planned the food, arranged matches (guys AND girls), and got the gloves and headgear. I wasn’t sure what to think about the fights, but at least we could kind of get together as a ward and hang out, relax. I figure it would be either something that would be great and we should do it more often, or we should ban it all together and never consider it again. One little problem – my daughter has her Christmas music program at school that night. Bummer. I figure I will just show up late to the activity, if I make it at all.

Friday night comes. We all go to Tabitha’s Christmas music program at 6:15, then to Kinko’s to copy some music for Sam, then home. I tell the family I’m going to the Institute to check on my ward activity. It’s about 7:30, the activity was to start about 7:00, which means I’m actually only about 10 or 15 minutes late. First thing to see, a few people and the food. They deep fried 2 turkeys and roasted a third. They also had all kinds of salad, baked French fries, various potato chips, pink lemon-aid, and cookies. Plenty of food, good food. I have been DYING to try some fried turkey. Sure enough, it’s awesome.

I missed the first fight. It was a “chick fight”, two roommates, one husky, the other very tall. I see the husky one and she explains that she is one her lunch break and had to get back to work so they had to go first. I go into the expanded classrooms to check the fights. It’s PACKED – about 80 or 90 people are there! All 4 wards came. Cool. As for turn-out, the activity is a huge success. And everyone seems to have a great time.

The fights are a different story. It’s brutal, ugly, scary, riveting! We cannot help but watch. People actually are getting HURT! I notice before long that the big guys, over 200 pounds, don’t seem to react so violently when a glove connects with their heads. Under 200 pounds, it’s just really scary and violent. People are getting knocked down, heads are snapping back, sweat and spit are flying. Fortunately, most of them are wearing mouth guards. In all, there were probably about 15-18 matches, including about 5 girl matches. They usually go do 3 one-minute rounds. There were LOTS of OH’s and OU’s from the audience.

There were about 6 bloody noses, which ended those matches on the spot. It was not at all pretty, especially when the girls were pounding each others brains out. The headgear didn’t seem to help much. It did help to create more sweat so that when a glove connected to someone’s head, there was a better visual effect. There was a lot of pain. Everyone complained of headaches, internal bruising, aching neks and arms, and lots of general soreness, etc. As of this writing, 48 hours later, even new pains were making themselves evident in some people.

The worst injury was a pretty severely broken nose. Blood gushed pretty well initially. It started out as a messy blob on his face. After a while of lying on a couch with ice, a lot of the swelling went down, and the nose was somewhat straight. It was just off to the right side about a half an inch, not matching up in the middle between his eyes. Uggghhhh…gruesome! It took a while to convince him to go to the hospital, but he did go. Today at church, he has 2 semi-blackened eyes, and an offset nose. They won’t set it for another day or so. Most of the others are still complaining of aches and pains too. But everyone raved about what a great activity it was. Go figure.

Many people taunted me, wanting me to fight. One of the older girls in my ward offered me $10 to go the 3 rounds with someone. Hearing that, someone else said he would add another $10 to that. Nothing could convince me.

I realized something important late Friday night. If the Church legal department heard about this, the walls would come crashing down. The legal liability issues could be outrageous. They would NEVER approve, and would probably take strong action to make sure it didn’t happen. Whew! Good thing it’s over and no one seems to being sewing!

Camaraderie happened. People bonded. Students were fed. There is a lot more respect in the Institute. They kept the blood off the carpet. There were even some surprising upsets. It was a well-attended activity with plenty of enjoyable food. This particular activity will never happen again. I don’t think I could handle the stress. Fight Night – kind of cool, but not worth the risk. Don’t fall for it.

When magical people unite ...

2006-10-23T00:19:00.000-07:00

Well, it may have been the best, or at least second best, weekend of the year. Actually, for the last several years. And it was with some of the same people as the other greatest weekend. What a wonderful time we had in our little alpine village!

It’s been about 5 weeks since the EG conference, which is that other great weekend. Sam and I were visited by Smurf, AtP, Jerman, Carrot and Tito. What a blast we had! Since they were coming to visit, Maurice (Sam’s father), who happens to be our Stake President, asked Smurf, AtP, and Jerman to address our ward and stake leaders in a stake leadership meeting, called specially for the occasion.

Jerman is up first. He shocks the audience. Yup, we’re really talking about this issue, and it’s serious.
AtP is up next. The crowd is now in awe! This is amazing and spiritual stuff. Yes, spiritual.
The Smurfster bats clean-up and hits a homerun. Amazing.

Just to sum up, it was truly wonderful. Our Maurice actually started out the meeting saying we were going to talk about this, explaining that our stake never waits for issues to come to us, we go out and meet them head on. The meeting ended with a fantastic Q & A session. My RS President was in tears. She told the next morning that she hadn’t felt the Spirit that strong in a few years. And that she went home and wrote on her journal for an hour and a half! The last few days, I’ve inquired of others that were there of their opinions. It’s unanimous – a big win. Now we all need to follow-up in wards.

So the rest of the weekend was actually FUN, not so serious. We laughed and played. Carrot is the most amazing magical person to come along since Samantha. In fact, the queen has dubbed her a Lady in the royal court of the queerosphere. Let her henceforth be known as Lady Carrot (LC for short). LC totally rocks. Someone ought to do something about her before some straight guy hauls her off to a mortal place.

Tito fit right in. What a “guy”! He almost reminds me of Tommy Monson, with a great memory, full of wonderful stories. And he is such a great sport. After being up well passed midnight, he let us wake him up at 6:00 am to go eat breakfast at a Denny’s-like place. David came too. (Tito was staying at David’s house.) There’s nothing like sherbet and lemon-lime soda floats.

The rest of us actually stayed up most all night at our house. Once in while, one or two of us would nod off for 15-30 minutes. I woke up as they were making plans to go eat. What good timing! Like I always say, the only thing better than food is MORE food.

Apparently there are thieves in our group. Lady Carrot bogarted Smurf’s favorite childhood book from the Momma Smurf’s house. The Smurf himself (yourself?) has “collected” games from us and LC. But we get the last laugh. It appears that Smurf has left a sock in our bathroom! We shall hold it hostage, at least until we meet again and exchange other properties. (That kind of sounds like Monopoly.)

It has now been about 6 days since I started drafting this post. I discovered my own slippers where missing as my favorite guests had departed my home. I thought perhaps it was an act of endearment that one of these amazing people might have claimed them as a momento. Alas, they showed up yesterday morning.

It seems like it has already been many weeks since they left, even though it’s only been a week. I spent the first couple days almost crying because I missed them. (I’m a freak.) I must be deprived. It’s now 1:10 am and I am remembering fondly staying up all night last Sunday! We gotta do this again!

A Few of My Pet Peeves

2006-10-07T10:32:00.000-07:00

Isn't interesting that in Harry Potter books the annoying poltergeist is named 'Peeves', as in pet peeves? I'm sure JKR did this intentionally.

So here is one of mine. "Fewer vs. Less." Okay, at the store, the express lane sign should read "15 Items or Fewer" not "...Less." You cannot have "less items", but you can have "fewer items." And in everyday conversation, people use the "less" when they should use the word "fewer." It's not that difficult to figure out. When you are talking about a plural noun, particularly one that would end in an 's' when it is plural, you use the word "fewer" to refer to a dimished quantity, not "less." Pretty simple. Now do it right!

Here is another pet peeve. Where I work, people are always expecting others to things for them, or expecting others to get some task done. I am a "DO IT!" kind of person. If you really want it done, do it yourself. If you are not willing to do it, and it is something you can do yourself, then shut up! If it can be done by you, and it's not MY special responsibility, than maybe it SHOULD be done by you. Talking about it all the time does not get done. Shut up and do it. Fish or cut bait. Whining about it makes you sound ignorant and incompetent.

Okay, here is another, but it's one that sometimes drives others crazy. I don't like broken things. I fix 'em. If it's broken, fix, chuck it, replace it. But don't leave it broken. When I started my current job, we had a company vehicle that had the driver's door handle broken off. The new handle had been purchased weeks earlier, but not installed. "WHAT??!??!? Just fix it." (See previous paragraph.) I said nothing. I just fixed it. All around me, people are coping with sub-standard stuff and they don't have to. I see people playing pool on a table where the pockets drop the balls on the floor. That will be fixed soon, by me. If it's broken, fix it. If you can't fix it, get rid of it.

That's all for today. Maybe next time I'll have to tell about the "rule of the one place" that Sam and I have. I have vented now. I feel better. But remember to use the word "fewer" more often please.

The Question of a Mission

2006-10-04T21:38:00.000-07:00

In April of 1986, I attended the Priesthood session of General Conference at the BYU Marriott Center. It holds something like 24,000 people. It was packed! There were people sitting in the stairs, standing in the corridors, just all over the place. There must have been over 25,000.

It was a great meeting, the best I’ve ever been to. There were wonderful, spiritual talks given – amazing. The President Hinckley spoke. (He was a counselor to President Benson at the time.) His talk was the most wonderful I had ever heard, up to that point in my life. His talk was entitled “The Question of a Mission.” I was really touched. I had a friend who didn’t know what to do with his life. He was 19 at the time and just hanging out in Provo, playing around. I knew that Pres. Hinckley would want him to go on a mission. The spirit at that meeting was now VERY intense.

Then President Benson got up to speak. He said, “The Spirit has been here tonight. It has been very strong. Instead of giving the talk I have prepared, I would rather follow that Spirit and speak unto you the words the Lord would have you hear at this time.” Then he bowed his head a little, listening to the Spirit for a minute. Then I heard a voice. “Ezra, I have been helping you prepare this talk over the last few weeks. This is what I want them to hear. Give the talk you have prepared.”

Whoa! I heard that voice. Really? Yeah. Then President Benson raised his head and said, “Never mind. I am going to give the talk I have prepared.” Wow! What’s going on here?!?!? I couldn’t believe it. I actually heard the voice speaking to the prophet. Then he gave the most amazing, wonderful, spiritual talk I have ever heard in my 43 years. It’s called “To the Youth of Noble Birthright.” Look it up and read it. It's incredible!

I have always wondered why I got to hear the voice. That was the 2nd of only 3 times in my life that I have heard it. I now know of at least 3 reasons why I was allowed to hear the voice of the Lord at that time. For one, I needed to know that what he said was really important for me. For another, I needed to know that Heavenly Father prepares us to speak to others, He will help us prepare our talks so that the Spirit will touch others. When the time comes to give the talk, all we have to do is speak the words. He has already done the work with us.

The 3rd thing I learned was that God speaks to his holy prophets, even today. Yes, he does. Simple, but I needed to learn that. It is important to me now. I KNOW it. Who is really running this church? Stupid question.

So 20 years ago, the standard was this – every young man is supposed to serve a mission. If you weren’t ready or worthy, you has better GET ready or worthy. Period. Every young man. Then a few years ago, Elder M. Russell Ballard announced “the raising of bar.” There is now a much higher standard that a person must meet in order to serve a mission. And it was okay if a young man was not able to go. He would be “honorably excused.” And he is right – it’s okay if person does not or cannot serve a mission. No worries, no judgment, no problem.

But what if a young man wants to serve a mission, and has certain issues? How come I see some young men who have these issues who have served missions, while there are others who cannot? Okay, there is the simple question of actions. Has a person simply felt same gender attraction but remained completely faithful? Or have they just denied it so they can do what everyone tells them is right? Or have they just lied about it? And have the others gotten caught? Or been truthful to their bishops? Or just had bishops or stake presidents that believe that SSA and missions don’t mix?

I don’t know. Maybe all of those have happened at one place or another. But here is what this new Bishop has learned. There are feelings and inclinations, and then there are actions. Those actions include fantasizing, viewing pornography, acting on hormonal drives, giving in to temptations. It’s the same for ALL members of the church, not just those dealing with SSA. It doesn’t matter what your temptations are, you can be worthy to serve a mission.

The church has very recently issued a revised version of the Handbook of Instructions, Book 1”, for Bishoprics and Stake Presidencies. No one else gets these books (except general authorities I suppose). It is very clear that it is one’s actions that keep them from being eligible to serve a mission, not their feelings and inclinations. It specifically addresses applicants who have same gender attraction. It says that if a young man has participated in homosexual activity during the last 3 teenage years, he will not normally be considered for a mission. It also says that if the person has shown strong evidence of repentance for period of a few years (at least one year), the stake president can request an exception. It also talks about "acts" that occurred several times or over an extended period of time, showing a pattern or habit, verses just once, or being a visitim, or early age experimetation.

So here is the nutshell – what are your habits? What have you been doing for the last few years? If you can show a pattern of faithfulness and clean living, you can probably serve a mission. But it must be for a period of a considerable amount of time, not just a few months. Here’s another thing. There is an age limit for young men to serve a mission. It’s 25 years old. Not 19. Not 20. Not 22. It’s 25, to start the mission.

This means to me that some of my friends may have more hope than they may have thought. This is a wonderful thing! It may take a few years to get there, but even if a person still doesn’t go on a mission, it couldn’t hurt to make that kind of progress anyway. But you don't have to go when you are 19 or 20.

I was afraid it may not be proper to directly quote the handbook, so I didn’t. But it’s clear that it’s actions that matter, not feelings. If any of you have more questions about this, please feel free to contact me.

More about the Evergreen Conference

2006-09-25T11:24:00.000-07:00

More about the best weekend ever - it certainly was. Why? Because Samantha and I hung out with the coolest people ever - PineTree, Smurf, AttemptingThePath, and other cool guys. I now have about 8 new, wonderful friends! I miss them and can't wait until next year's conference. Yes, I'm going back!

Okay, SSA/SGA is not something I deal with directly. Sam has experienced it in her past, we have a young friend here locally ("David") that is dealing with it, and I have a man in my ward who is in a lot of deep, personal, mental, and emotional pain beccause of it. (I now have have about 8 more dear friends who are dealing with too.) So I want to learn more about it, and more importantly, how I can love, support, and help others who are dealing with it.

To me, the best speakers were Ty Mansfield and Fred & Marilyn Matis, authors of "In Quiet Desparation." I'd love to elaborate, but I do not have enough time or space. Just get the book and read it!

So now I have an assignment. I have to report to the other 11 bishoprics in my stake about SSA/SGA. What should I say? "Yeah, my wife and I went to SLC and played in the JSMB with some cool guys, had a LOT of fun, goofed around, then came home." Actually I did learn many things, but the highlight was just being with the guys (and Sam). If any of you have ANY advise or opinions about what bishops should learn or know about helping members who have SSA, please let me know.

Is "damnable" really a swear word? I'm sorry I missed that guy's workshop. I heard he was really good. Guys, if you're out there, please come visit us. Next time, maybe we'll play "Probe". Maybe Samantha and I will become the Fred & Marilyn Matis of the eastern Rockies. For now, here's to gellatinous pork! Cheers.

2006-09-18T00:05:00.000-07:00

Okay, I just had the BEST weekend EVER! I met some great new friends in another world, at the Evergreen Conference in Salt Lake City. It was held in the coolest building, the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. Here are some pictures below. More about the conference later.

We had a beautiful view outside the windows!

Here is another.

2006-08-27T20:46:00.000-07:00

- Okay, it's about time I posted something real here. Maybe I should first tell you a little more about myself. I absolutely LOVE food and cars. I also love language and languages. I speak French(somewhat fluently), a little Spanish, and a little German. I am currently a Bishop in the LDS church, of a singles ward. Enough? If you want to know more, just ask.
- So today was the first Sunday, back to school at our university, with most of our students back from Summer. No more meeting with 4 wards combined, I'm on my own now. After church, a young man came up to me and asked, "Bishop can I visit with you sometime?" Being new as a Bishop, I didn't know this young man. But I said, "Sure. How about in 15 minutes?"
- Well long story short, I now have a friend who is struggling with SSA. Weird. No, not this guy dealing with SSA, but the fact that I have been learning about this for the last 8 months, and now I need what little I've learned. Wow, the Lord really does qualify whom He calls. On my own, I never would be where I'm at now. I still don't know much, and not nearly enough. But I know a lot more than I did 8 months ago. I am "in it." I hope I can be a strength and a help to him.
- Okay, I'm just an ignorant mortal. But I married Samantha, a beautiful, magical person. We live kind of a charmed life - EXTREMELY blessed. We try to live in the magical world, even though I am from the mortal realm. She tells me a LOT!!! She may not reveal your secrets and intimate thoughts, but she has told me a lot about you people. Yes, I feel I know Smurf, L, Master FOB, AnotherOther, and several others. I almost think of you as my own friends, or at least friends that Sam and I can share. Oh, and thank you guys for being our friends.
- So those of you who have gotten to know Samantha probably think she is a lot of fun, pretty intelligent, and she think she's hilarious. If so, you would be correct - she is all these things. Truly, we have a great time. We struggled the first few years of our marriage, getting to know each other and getting used to each other. We became good friends before we complicated things, by adding children to mix. Thank goodness for that! We often look forward to our time alone together.
Let me tell a little something about Sam. WYSIWYG. She speaks her mind, doesn't pull any punches, and tells it how it is.
- Well, what's a Bishop to do? I still have to find a new Relief Society President, Ward Mission Leader, and change around many other callings. The next few weeks will be crazy! And Sam and I are going to a conference in Utah in a couple weeks. So much to do, so little time.......

Where to start...?

2006-08-07T22:40:00.000-07:00

Perhaps I have been a silent character for long enough. Some of you may have heard of and read about my better, magical half, Samantha, at her magical world. There are some questions you should ask yourselves:

- Does he really know all about Samantha?
- When did she reveal her secrets to him and how did he react?
- Is their marriage really like Samantha describes it?
- (What else would you like to ask?)

The answer to these questions, and perhaps more, will appear here, occassionally, in upcoming posts.

I am not a typical blogger. I will not spend hours searching and reading other blogs and stuff each day. If you have questions for me, let me know. If you want me to see or read something, give me a link. I am really only here for 2 reasons - 1. to express myself a bit 2. to allow others to communicate with Samantha's husband, if desired. I suppport her completely, but may offer a different viewpoint at times.

More about me, Sam, and our relationship later.