Positive Male Relationships

So I met briefly with the struggler guy in my ward. I think I've mentioned him before, but I can't remember what name I gave him. Let's use "Steve." That's a good name. I don't know anyone named Steve. So Steve and I met for a few minutes. We haven't met for a while and I have felt a need to talk with him. I miss our meetings. He teaches me and always feel good when we meet.

Steve is an amazing guy! He works out all the time, he works a few jobs, not needing any of them, he attends all the activities, he runs in marathons, and competes in triathlons, and he is a full-time student. He is friends with lots of people, guys and girls, LDS and non-LDS, older people and younger people. He is one of those overachievers who is constantly going, non-stop, all the time. And he is always smiling and happy. Naturally, there are always a few girls in love with him.

We talked a little about the things I've learned, and the things he's reading, and other stuff. He brought up the point that, as a "struggler", he is supposed to be developing "positive male relationships" with straight guys. "What is that?!?!?", he asked. "I don't have those. I don't know if I ever will.", says Steve. "Whoa. Wait a minute. Yeah, you do. That's all you have.", I said. "All the guys you know are straight and you have good relationships with them. You have several good, close, guy friends. Those are positive male relationships."

I went on, "I think you are doing much better than most (SSA) guys.You don't really even have any gay friends. Let me give you something to compare it to," I said. "I know an SSA guy, and all his friends are other SSA guys. He often has problems with them, sometimes big relationship issues, like a junior high kid. He doesn't have much of a relationship with his dad, and he is scared and critical of straight guys, etc. That is a person that doesn't have "positive male relationships."

Steve has actually avoided meeting and being with other "strugglers." (I have to put it in quotes because it's not really an accurate description. Smurf says he doesn't struggle any more and resents being referred to as a "struggler." He's right.) I think Steve avoids other SSA guys because he is afraid of developing inappropriate relationships. He is being very careful - so much so that I think he would rather just avoid other SSA guys all together. Nonetheless, he works very hard at dealing with his SSA. He is amazing.

So now I wonder if I have positive male relationships. I know a lot of guys, but none are close friends. The only people I go out and do things with are my immediate family (Sam and the kids.) Okay, occasionally I go do stuff with Maurice, Sam's dad. He and I are like best friends, aside from our wives. But that's only one. I don't feel uncomfortable, necessarily, just a little weird when I think about it. I suppose some of us have a greater need than others. I have never questioned my manhood or manliness, nor have I ever worried about it. I ma comfortable with who and what I am.

So there is this issue that I have been thinking about, concerning varying male needs and positive male relationships. I believe each male has their own level needs when it comes to being reassured of their male-ness, their manhood, touching, love, comfort, and other needs. Some have greater needs, some have less. And when those needs are not met, some things can get mixed up, perhaps altered. For most people, I thinks the needs start a very young age, 3 or 4 even. And when the needs are not met, the results begin to be felt sometimes by the age of 6 or 7. Why else can most SSA guys say that they recognize those weird feelings starting at such a young age? Just my thoughts and observations...

Well I don't think that is the end, only the beginning. I truly believe there is hope, and joy, and blessings awaiting those who struggle with these feelings and continue to faithfully do what is right. I have heroes out there, like Tito, Smurf, The Great L, and AnotherOther. It CAN be done. My hope are prayers are with you.

Now I have to start working on a post about MoHo's.