Sunday, October 12, 2008

Time for Change

Okay, I've been gone long enough. And I NEED to get back to writing. Baby steps, though...

My computer (laptop) that I have had for 6 1/2 years crashed on me this past week. It seemed irreparable, so I got a new one. Fun. But being a professionally educated idiot with a Masters Degree in business technology, I certainly did NOT have any of my precious files backed up somewhere.

So I am sitting here in my Bishop's office with my new lappy and counseling with one of my ward members about coping with family stresses, depression, anxiety, abuse, etc. We talk about writing, keeping a journal, counselors, etc. I bring up the subject of blogs, and suggest a few to her to read. I suggest that she might also find it somewhat helpful to write about her thoughts and feelings where others could give her feedback without knowing who she is. She ius quite strong and I think she could handle it.

Then a thought comes to mind, "YOU (meaning me) need to get back to it too!" Fine.

So I have a new member in my ward, a young man, first year in college. He comes to me and confesses he struggles with masturbation and SSA. "YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE," I assure him. Now what do I do? Okay, I'm an idiot. I regurgitate some of the rhetoric that I have picked up over the last couple years from Evergreen, Northern Lights, etc.

But I don't really know how to HELP him. I must be getting really old. I am sending him to YOU, all you other bloggers out there - mainly my favorite ones and those of who who will not destroy him.

As Fall approaches, I am noticing more flat rabbits on the highways. Interesting.

I have a great YSA ward. We had a tremendous Fast-and-Testimony meeting today. The Spirit was definitely strong. Hearts were touched.

Have you seen the new Picasso emoticons? %\ .^

2 comments:

Kengo Biddles said...

Darrin,

Feel free to have him e-mail me. mrbiddles at gmail.

And I think he did indeed go to the right place. I think you've been prepared to help him.

shut the duck up said...

Tell him masturbation will steal his soul. It will also "steel" his soul in that it will harden his heart against spiritual things. Ask him why he does it? What ishis motivation? Is he a sex addict? Is he trying to comfort himself? Is he bored with life? Has he seen the DVD Evergreen has out out by Dr. Jeff about masturbation? Does he even want to stop? What are his goals and aspirations in life? Why does he have so much free time to do this? What has he tried to help him stop? Has he had any successes? Could it be he alreay has answers but is not willing to do the hard work to make them permanent changes? Is he continuing some fanasy life by continuing to masturbate? How does he feel about himself after he has completed the act? Why is he so focused on physical pleasure instead of looking beyond this moment to something better? Does he have an easy frustration level? Is he eating healthy? Working? Getting enough exercise and sleep? Does he try and change his thought patterns? What does he think about all day? His thoughts determine his actions. Has he been given any strategies to help him break thought patterns? Break habits? Compulsive behaviors? I, too, used to have a big problem wih masturbation. At first, I did not think it was even a problem. But, I began noticing I was reacting to people differently because I was doing it. My rage and anger about unresolved issues began manifesting itself greatly, especially after masturbating. I seemed to have no control not only over masturbation, but my other emotions and feelings, also. I read books on how to break compulsive behaviors. I entered therapy. I mad it a matter of sincere prayer. I read what others had dne to break this habit. Where I used to think I could not even go one day without engaging in masturbation, I have been able to stop and not even WANT to do it, let alone actually act on it. I have had to pay great attention to what I will allow myself to watch on TV or in movies, what I read in magazines, what I will listen to what other people talk about, and what I allow myself to think about. I have learned that when I take care of myself in healthy ways, i.e., eat right, sleep right, exercise, engage in productive activities, attend my Church meetings, read my scriptures daily, keep the commandments, talk with my Bishop regularly to report on my progress, etc., I can keep myself away from focusing so much on extraneous, physical pleasure. I am willing to give up the pleasures of the moment to have something better in the future. Some times, at night, when I am extremely tired, or frustrated, I feel the urge to masturbate come forth. But, I shout in my mind, "NO. I do not want to feel what it feels like the morning after. NO. NO. NO." I try and then focus on something else, listening to good music, getting up and doing something productive, doing anything to break the hold the moment has over me. Once I can break that initial hold over me to masturbate, I can then go back to bed, lie down, and fall asleep with out engaging in self stimulation. And, when the morning comes, I wake up and am so happy and glad I did not give into that desire. And, every day I do this over and over. I hope what I have written may help.