Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Still MORE Dave Barry (I can't get enough)

The last couple of days of Dave Barry have been too good to keep to myself.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The rules of etiquette can be tricky. Suppose you sit down to a formal dinner, and there are three forks at your place setting. Which fork should you use? The answer - and here I am quoting from the classic reference work, The Amy and Bud Vanderbilt Guide to Table Manners and Boat Repair - is "the cleanest fork." Using your left hand, and starting with the outside fork, hold each fork up and examine it for signs of crud; if you see any, you should, without drawing attention to yourself, switch it with a fork taken from the person sitting to your immediate right.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Sir Isaac Newton, the brilliant mathematician, invented calculus, which is defined as"the branch of mathematics that is so scary it causes everybody to stop studying mathematics." That's the whole POINT of calculus. At college and universities, on the first day of calculus class, the professors go to the board and write huge incomprehensible "equations" that they make up right on the spot, knowing this will cause all the students to drop the course and never return to the mathematics building ever again.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

More Great Dave Barry, Teenager Stuff

I think of Dave Barry as a modern-day Mark Twain. He is very witty, intelligent, a great observer of human nature, and quite funny. Here is another one of his daily calendar excerpts.

Friday, February 16, 2007

In 1964, when I was a student at Pleasentville High School, I had a class with a teacher who had a major odor problem, to the point where, when he'd stroll past the rows of desks, which he did often, students would keel over in his wake. Being teenagers, we might have handled this situation in a cruel manner. But instead, one day, as the teacher walked past, a student in the front row, whose name I will not reveal here, sensitively whipped out a can of Right Guard deodorant, fired off a brief blast, then quickly hid the can before the teacher turned around. This gesture was so sensitive that many of us thought we would rupture key internal organs from vibrating so hard.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Frustration Leads to Stupidity

Okay, it's just too darn tempting! Anyone who engages in a battle of wits and loses so pitifully, and then resorts violence, is obviously sheltered and immature. If a person says "I will not engage in futile rhetoric", he should stop there and not prattle on with a bunch futile rhetoric. (See comments from last post.) I now understand the irresistible compulsion that Sam and Mr. Fob feel to relentlessly poke fun at Marvin's tremendous ignorance. He cannot compete with them on any intellectual level and that frustrates him. So now he has resorted to physical violence. He has threatened Sam, me, our children, Master Fob, and our relatives.

He doesn't get it. THIS IS A BLOG!!! It is a personal forum for WORDS. People have the right to say whatever they feel, and the right to limit access to those who do not belong. What the heck is a bigot like that doing here??? It is exactly his kind of thinking, opinions, and threats that lead to hate crimes, the KKK, and people like Hitler.

So here’s another Dave Barry excerpt. Once in a while, he’ll have a day where he just lists some “great names for a rock band.” This commentary kind of goes along with those.

Friday, January 5, 2007.

I have received some important information via a letter from Claire Nordstrum, thirteen, a student in Wisconsin (state motto: “Moo.”). Claire states that her science teacher told the class that “it’s a proven fact that on average a person eats six spiders in a year.” Another science fact this teacher revealed, according to Claire, is that “wood ticks breathe through their butts.” This sounds logical to me, since if a wood tick had its while head burrowed into your body, it wouldn’t be able to breathe through its face (assuming ticks have faces) unless it was wearing some kind of tiny snorkel, which is unlikely, although I think we all have to agree “The Wood Tick Snorkels” would be an excellent name for a rock band.

Monday, January 29, 2007


The Flying Shards
The Fierce Prune-Eating Hamsters from Space
Marcel and the Turpitudes
The Groin Whappers

More Dave Barry

I suppose it might have been more appropriate to post these on the days to which they correspond. So here is another one I find particularly funny.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007.


1. Do large men sometimes break your thumbs?

2. Have you ever lunged accross a table to strangle a seventy-three-year-old grandmother simply because she said, quote, "Bingo"?

3. Have you ever, after gambling away your money and pawning your possessions, said, "Hey, why do I need TWO kidneys?"

4. Have you ever attempted to place a bet on the chariot race in Ben Hur?

5. If so, did you bet against Charlton Heston, your reasoning being that, hey, one of these times he has to lose?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

You Might Be A Redneck

The title is for our new friend, Marvin. We have had a lot of fun the last day or so. (Notice I am keeping my words small and I correctly used the phrase "a lot" as 2 seperate words, not one.) Hi Marvin.

So I have been admiring the great work of Dave Barry lately. Last Christmas, Sam gave me a Dave Barry daily calendar thing, you know, the ones where you tear off a sheet a day to reveal a new quote, or picture, or whatever. Those are the greatest. And since Dave is from the south, I thought our new redneck friend might also appreciate an excerpt or two from the calendar.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007.

It is time once again for Ask Mister Language Person, the award-winning column whose motto is: "People judge you by the way you talk, especially if you spit on them." Today, as is our usual custom, we will start with our first question, which is:

Q. Like most people, I would like to use the words "parameters" and "behoove" in the same sentence, but I am not sure how.

A. According to the Oxford English Cambridge Dictionary of Big Words, the proper usage is: "Darlene, it frankly does not behoove a woman of your parameters to wear them stretch pants."

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Interesting News & Great Company

Okay, I shared this with Sam yesterday, hoping that she would share it with everyone else. But we were both too busy to get this out. Now I may be late for my Sunday morning meetings, but I cannot contain myself any longer.

DUMBLEDORE IS GAY!!! It's true. J.K. Rowling outed him a couple days ago. There is a very interesting article on the BBC News site, here: I like her explanations and the way she handle it, for the most part.

Spread the word.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Facebook Consumption

Okay, I haven't been earnestly putting up small, frequent posts like Ambrosia as I intended. I have been regularly checking and updating my Facebook page. Yeah, the ol' Bishop is on Facebook.

I remember a couple years ago when I was on the Stake High Council, the teenagers in our stake were getting into trouble on MySpace and on Facebook. The High Council members would talk to Bishoprics about the problems and tout the horrors of teenagers online. We also told parents to check up on their kids and get rid of their Facebook and MySpace accounts. Hahahah.

So hear that MySpace is not as "good" as Facebook. By "good" I mean safe. Of course, as Darrin Stevens, I did have a MySpace account for a little while, but I didn't really do anything with it, and never explored MySpace.

Facebook, I see, is fun. I found that many of my student ward members were on Facebook. So with Ammon-like optimism (Alma 17:27-30), I saw this as an opportunity. I opened an account (but did nothing for 2 months.)

Then I went back online, started my page, and invited some friends. Actually, I started my page previously when the wife of the first counselor in our Stake Presidency invited me to join as one of her friends. She's a GRANDMA, for heaven's sakes, and SHE is on Facebook! I searched for members of my ward and other students that I know at our Institute.

Once I started adding some "friends", I saw "Facebook Groups" and got an idea. I started a Facebook group, named it after my ward, and invited the members of my ward I could find. Lots of fun and ward unity! We are having a good time. Well, I am having a good time.

Of course, some people seem a little out of control. My 16-year-old niece keeps asking questions and inviting me to add ridiculous Facebook applications. My son, DJ, has started campaigning to run for President of the United States in 2028. I've joined his group in total support. But what's with "Invisible Children at...", "Worthy Priesthood Holders Who Love Rum Cake", "Awkward Turtle", and all the other crazy groups?

To add to my own amusement, I have decided that I know all my friends from very strange and/or unusual circumstances, like from a "Bulgarian orphanage", the "Stop Global Chilling" science team", we "lived on a desert island together from 1966 to 1971", or "we were tag-team thumb wrestling partners." I am not very creative, but I have come up with some that are pretty funny, at least to me.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

I'm sick!

I don’t mean to say that I am all gay-ed out, just having finished my second Evergreen Conference. I started getting sick Friday night. By Saturday afternoon, I had it, a cold-like thing – sore throat, stuffed sinuses, aches, etc. I apologize for being so anti-social at ATP’s movie night.

The conference was another great weekend of my life! I love these friends of mine!!! I cry terribly as I think of the trials they have, and I know it’s not just SSA. But my heart leaps with joy when I can be with them. And for the hetero side, there were more good-looking and hetero girls there this year. Even more of the lesbians were good-looking. (I really like to see good-looking people.)

I learned more, and that is the point. Dave Matheson, Jeff Robinson, and Rich Wyler have got some good parts of the thing figured out, but no one has it all. They claim to have it all figured out, but I know otherwise. In a way, it is fun putting the puzzle together, but it would be nice if it could eventually end some day. We are getting ever closer.

I wish I could do more at the conference.

A big “YO” to my new friends: the coolest and very beautiful Stephalumpagus (I wish you were in my ward!), lunchtime friend Edgy Killer Bunny, the Bi-Coastal Warrior/Struggler, and the many others I met or met again this weekend. And of course it was most awesome to see Smurf, Pinetree, and our other good friends in (not quite) Zion.

Now I’ve got to gather my notes and remember what I learned. Oh, and "Warrior" is the new "Struggler."

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Stinking Mohos

I must be spending too much time with Mohos and moho stuff. I think it is starting to rub off onto me. A girl at work cut her hair and think it s really cute. I kept thinking that everytime I saw her today. Stinking Mohos.

My new favorite blog is Ambrosia Ananas'. It's just great! She is awesome. I am going to try to write more like her - brief and to the point, and more often.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Tagged, I'm one of 'em

See the origin of this plague here, and here. I'm not sure who started it first.

Look for your name at the bottom.


1. All right, here are the rules.

2. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

3. Players start with eight (8) random facts/habits about themselves.

4. People who are tagged write their own blog about their eight (8) things and post these rules.

5. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight (8) people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

And adding one of my own,

6. Try not to tag those who have already been tagged.

My Random Facts

1. The stuff (non-people) that I love the most: chocolate, cars, italian food, fishing, the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

2. I do HTML and organic website SEO.

3. I cannot hold down my pinkies with my thumbs (to show the number 3 on my fingers.) I damaged both my thumbs playing football in high school.

4. I love to watch the Food Network and Speed TV.

5. I don't read. I CAN read, I just don't. I much prefer pictures. There is a Mexican restaurant in our town that has most of their menu in pictures. When I get a menu without the pictures, I'm lost.

6. If I could go anywhere in the world for a few years, it would be Brussels - good food, good people, good climate, my favorite chocolate.

7. I love cars. They are perhaps my greatest non-human passion. I am even a car bigot. I refuse to own any car that is Swedish or Korean, a Nissan, or a Dodge/Chrysler/Plymouth, unless it is from the 60's. I would prefer a rear-engine, German, sports car, like a Porsche 911-SC or an old Bug. I used to have a '67 Bug. Sam hated it. I loved it.

8. I have a brief, vivid, childhood memory. When I recounted it to my mother, her eyes grew to the size of saucers and her chin hit the floor. It was the scene of my first birthday.

Now it's your turn: Wife of a gay Mormon, Smurf Yourself, Pinetree, thrasius, and mormon enigma. I don't really know many people out there. I'm a lousy bogger. So I decline to add more.
Copy the rules into your post and follow them. Then tag 8 other people, who, preferably, have not yet been tagged.

Already tagged, many times: Samantha, Calvin, Stephen, Stephalumpagus, Kengo Biddles, Mulan, playasinmar, AttemptingThePath.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Corrections and Lessons

First the corrections. It's Jason, not Joshua. Sorry, Jared, I mean Jerry. Sam says I am a lousy blogger. No correction there. I just don't have time to keep up. And my favorite writers don't write often enough, like Pinetree, Smurf, and Tito. There are others that I have met, and love, but I don't know where their blogs are, and I just can't keep all the names straight. Perhaps if I had more time to spend online...

My local Mohos (in my YSA ward) have not been around. One went home for the Summer, and the other just hasn't been around. One of them and I went to the Dave Matheson fireside a few months ago. I have been thinking a lot about it since then. At first, I think he over simplified things. He seemed to say that if you would just remove the blockages in your life that prevented the natural heterosexual development, you can then become a heterosexual. Hmmmm, ... remove the blockages... We joked about it a bit afterwords. "Yeah, just take your homo laxatives and you'll be all right."

Tito actually helped me to take him more seriously. I have actually thought about a lot since then. Certainly, he couldn't have given us all the complexity in just one brief fireside. On the long drive back home the next day, I talked more about with this guy in my ward. He had been thinking about quite a bit too. He finally admitted that there had been some relationship issues between he and his father as he was growing up - a blockage. He figures that this probably did affect the development of his sexual identity. Interesting.

Obviously there can be many different kinds of blockages in the life of a child - an absent parent, sexual abuse, mental abuse, conflicting interests of the parents, lack of understanding of life principles, excessive pressure to live a certain way (like living the Gospel), fear of disappointment, etc. As combine this with the info I have gained from Evergreen and other sources, things start to make more sense, and I feel I can understand a little more. I admit that I still have a long way to go, and I am enjoying the ride. I love to learn.

Okay, the previous paragraph may sound weird. But I have witnessed some of our young moho friends who struggle more when there is more stress and strife in their lives, than when there isn't. And I have witnessed many other people who give in to temptation and struggles, even alcoholism, when they are burdened with other problems.

So stress, depression, fatigue, anxiety, and other negative impressions that beat down on a person probably make the SSA worse at times. These are the same things that I have seen that cause others to have problems with pornography, masturbation, and other sexual immorality and chastity issues. These things also cause people to neglect their prayers, scripture study, and meeting attendance. And they diminish one's faith. Interesting.

I know there is a lot more to it. But these are just some of the things I've learned lately. What have you learned?

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

A GREAT Weekend With the Mohos,and straight girls

Sam and I are finishing up a tremendous weekend. We went to Utah and met way cool people, some of whom were also just there for the weekend (or otherwise temporarily.) We met for the first time, in person, Elbow, Jared & Leslie, Drex & Salad, Hybrid, and several others. I got to go to the Matis' FHE for the first time, and had a BALL! We had dinners and lunches with the absolute best company! And be got to spend time with some our favorite friends, like AtP and Tito. There are too many names to mention and I am too old to remember to mention everybody.

I love these experiences because I love to be with great people and I love to learn. I learned more about SSA this weekend. I know this might sound "gay", but it is incredible how much my heart is growing so that I can accommodate more love for these friends of mine. I really wish I was independently wealthy and retired so that we could afford the time to be with them more often.

Another frustration - I don't know to share what (little) understanding I have with the other church leaders. They need to spend time on the queerosphere and with these coolio people. I don't see it happening soon, but maybe sometime... Perhaps I can talk one or two of my fellow bishops into coming to the E.I. conferernce in September. That would be cool, and maybe a sh
ock for them too. Hah!

Got to go eat with the straight relatives now. Not as fun, but they are harbo
ring newly born wild ducklings.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

What's up with the MoHo's?

MoHo is the new definitive term for those who have same-gender attraction and are faithfully striving to live the gospel of Jesus Christ according to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. See Tito's latest post. He actually gives an excellent definition and he completely covers the proper usage of the term. I think his post should be copied and used as a Wikipedia entry for "MoHo." Since I am not a MoHo, I do not feel qualified to do this myself.

In fact, I am feeling a bit left out. I want a cool new nickname too. Since I am not a MoHo, but I do feel very close to them, I am hereby declaring myself a FOTM. It rhymes with "bottom." FOTM is a word that is actually an acronym that stands for "Friend of the MoHo's." This term is reserved for true supporters and lovers of the MoHo's, not just FagHags and the like. It for those who go to Evergreen conferences even though they are not same sex attracted. It is for the hetero people who blog about MoHo stuff, and do so in a positive and loving way.

Okay, FOTM may resemble FOB. In no way do I wish to be associated with Master FOB or any FOBs. Though my heart and prayers go out to his amazing and wonderful soon-to-be ex-wife, I do not know him, nor am I a follower of him. I am just stealing his idea.

There were other possibilities that I considered, but it is after midnight and I am tired. For example, I thought of "Supporters of the MoHo's", but that would be SOTM, and that makes me think of Sodom and Gomorrah. Oh, FOTM might be a good word for Anti-Scrabble players.

Are there other FOTMs out there? If you now of one, or think you may be one, please comment and let know. I think our definition should closely follow Tito's of the MoHo's. So please explain your qualifications.

I suppose I ought to explain mine. I feel am a faithful latter-day saint. I am quite active in the Church, and serve faithfully in my calling. I confessed lately that I canNOT deny the feelings I have had, feeling the Spirit bear witness of the truthfulness of the Gospel. At the same time, I have developed friendships and a strong brotherly love (yes, LOVE) for my same sex attracted friends, like Tito, Smurf, Pinetree, ATP, NakedNative, Steve (see post below), and others. I think there ARE some good FOTMs out there, they just don't know of their new name yet. Some of those might be Wiggle, FoxyJ, and AGirlWho. We could be friends, brothers, sisters, spouses, parents, kids, or other relations of MoHo's.

FOTMs, united and let yourself be known. MoHo's, we're here for you. I look forward to the next conference, to seeing my wonderful MoHo friends, and hopefully meeting some new FOTM friends.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Positive Male Relationships

So I met briefly with the struggler guy in my ward. I think I've mentioned him before, but I can't remember what name I gave him. Let's use "Steve." That's a good name. I don't know anyone named Steve. So Steve and I met for a few minutes. We haven't met for a while and I have felt a need to talk with him. I miss our meetings. He teaches me and always feel good when we meet.

Steve is an amazing guy! He works out all the time, he works a few jobs, not needing any of them, he attends all the activities, he runs in marathons, and competes in triathlons, and he is a full-time student. He is friends with lots of people, guys and girls, LDS and non-LDS, older people and younger people. He is one of those overachievers who is constantly going, non-stop, all the time. And he is always smiling and happy. Naturally, there are always a few girls in love with him.

We talked a little about the things I've learned, and the things he's reading, and other stuff. He brought up the point that, as a "struggler", he is supposed to be developing "positive male relationships" with straight guys. "What is that?!?!?", he asked. "I don't have those. I don't know if I ever will.", says Steve. "Whoa. Wait a minute. Yeah, you do. That's all you have.", I said. "All the guys you know are straight and you have good relationships with them. You have several good, close, guy friends. Those are positive male relationships."

I went on, "I think you are doing much better than most (SSA) guys.You don't really even have any gay friends. Let me give you something to compare it to," I said. "I know an SSA guy, and all his friends are other SSA guys. He often has problems with them, sometimes big relationship issues, like a junior high kid. He doesn't have much of a relationship with his dad, and he is scared and critical of straight guys, etc. That is a person that doesn't have "positive male relationships."

Steve has actually avoided meeting and being with other "strugglers." (I have to put it in quotes because it's not really an accurate description. Smurf says he doesn't struggle any more and resents being referred to as a "struggler." He's right.) I think Steve avoids other SSA guys because he is afraid of developing inappropriate relationships. He is being very careful - so much so that I think he would rather just avoid other SSA guys all together. Nonetheless, he works very hard at dealing with his SSA. He is amazing.

So now I wonder if I have positive male relationships. I know a lot of guys, but none are close friends. The only people I go out and do things with are my immediate family (Sam and the kids.) Okay, occasionally I go do stuff with Maurice, Sam's dad. He and I are like best friends, aside from our wives. But that's only one. I don't feel uncomfortable, necessarily, just a little weird when I think about it. I suppose some of us have a greater need than others. I have never questioned my manhood or manliness, nor have I ever worried about it. I ma comfortable with who and what I am.

So there is this issue that I have been thinking about, concerning varying male needs and positive male relationships. I believe each male has their own level needs when it comes to being reassured of their male-ness, their manhood, touching, love, comfort, and other needs. Some have greater needs, some have less. And when those needs are not met, some things can get mixed up, perhaps altered. For most people, I thinks the needs start a very young age, 3 or 4 even. And when the needs are not met, the results begin to be felt sometimes by the age of 6 or 7. Why else can most SSA guys say that they recognize those weird feelings starting at such a young age? Just my thoughts and observations...

Well I don't think that is the end, only the beginning. I truly believe there is hope, and joy, and blessings awaiting those who struggle with these feelings and continue to faithfully do what is right. I have heroes out there, like Tito, Smurf, The Great L, and AnotherOther. It CAN be done. My hope are prayers are with you.

Now I have to start working on a post about MoHo's.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Manly Man?

I’ve got the MAN side, and the kind of not so man side, or something. Who is to say what’s manly and what’s not. Sometimes I wonder about myself, my likes and dislikes, etc. Shall we start with the manly stuff or the “questionable” stuff?

The Manly

The absolute greatest secondary passion in my life is cars. I so love to work on cars, to see cars, to be with cars, to identify cars, to read about cars, to watch shows about cars, to drive cars. I recently had someone else change the oil on one of my cars, and practically killed me. (More about my feelings for cars in another post. I can do many posts just on cars.) Someday I hope to build my own car, perhaps from a kit, or rebuild an old car. That would be paradise. I love cars! Just thinking about cars makes my heart race, and my mind wander. I may have to start another post, just about cars, before this one is done.

I like sports too. I can sit and watch almost any match. I prefer to watch the sports that are constantly moving, like basketball and soccer. I participated in sports as much as I could when I was younger, but was limited as a teenager by Osgood-Slaughter disease. I never have recovered form that. But I suppose there is a certainly lack of a manly quality when it comes to sports spectatorship – I am not a devoted fan. I prize good sportsmanship and excellent plays on all teams. The only team to whom I am truly devoted is the Oakland Raiders from the late 60’s and early 70’s.

Meat. I like meat. Almost all meat. Not shellfish. But I do love beef, pork, chicken, turkey, moose, elk (I LOVE elk meat), and fish, especially salmon. And I like my meat cooked, never raw, except perhaps for an occasional carpaccio. Give me a burger, a hotdog, chops, ribs, a steak, a chop, whatever. I could eat just meat for any meal. Which leads me to another manly thing. I can and do over-eat. Sam says I always whine when I do. I call it bragging. And I do it with a smile.

Construction. I like to pick up a handful of tools an build something. I always think I need more tools. Construction is manly. And whatever it is, I can build bigger, stronger, and better than anyone else. Tinkering too. If something is broke, I’ll fix it. If it’s not good enough, I’ll improve it. Ever watched “Home Improvement”? That was me in that show. You know those cheap little video tape re-winders? We had one that was jammed or stuck or something. So I grabbed my hammer and chain saw and went to fixin’ it. No problem. In fact, I found that by switching a couple gears and belts around, I could make it work 4 times faster. “New and Improved!” It worked great for the first 2 tapes. But when it started to break the tapes, Sam made me throw it away.

Fishing. Though my dad took me fishing a few times as a kid, it was really Sam who taught me how to fish. Blood and guts gross me out completely! So sticking a hook through a worm several times and gutting fish were not at all possible for me. As a kid, I used salmon eggs for bait and my dad always cleaned the fish. Through Sam’s help and patience, I very slowly got over my fears. After 3 or 4 years of constant fishing for wild trout, I was occasionally brave enough to bait my own hooks with real bait, and almost able to gut a fish. I have finally progressed to the point rummaging through the guts of the fish after I catch ‘em to see what they are eating. And I think I have even learned some of the fishing nuances on my own. I love wandering up and down creeks and rivers. It may still be several years, or the next lifetime, before I can bring myself to dress an elk, though.

Women. I can appreciate feminine beauty. When it comes to sex, I feel DEFINITETY like a heterosexual. I am confident in that. I cannot understand being attracted to the same sex, physically. Bluntly, girls turn me on, not guys. I have been drawn to men in the past, but never sexually. I have felt a desire to be closer to those that are intelligent, confident, successful, athletic, and disciplined. I admire admirable qualities, in both sexes. Though I will admit that I think I can tell if a guy is good-looking or not, I am only turned on by females. Though I only laugh, and am not offended, when people think we are at SSA activities for me.

Less than Manly

First, the more excusable stuff. Cooking. Like all guys, I love food. I also love to make food. But I see this like construction. I use cool tools and I build something, like a stew. I got knives, cutting boards, pots, bowls, blender, microwave oven, etc. I think cooking is actually quite manly.

Flowers. I like flowers. They look good and smell good. Nothing wrong with that. In the most manly movie I have ever seen, John Wayne plays a boxer that retires early because he killed someone in the ring. He goes back home to Ireland where he was born …and plants ROSES. His wife harasses him for not planting vegetables. So maybe flowers are for tough guys. Maybe you better be REALLY tough to admit you like flowers!

Ironing. Okay, I don’t really like ironing, but I am somewhat particular about it. Sam says I am VERY particular about it. But in the 21 years we have been married, she has offered to iron my shirt for me 4 times. I was grateful and didn’t care how she did it or how it looked. Actually, she irons pretty well. I just had to include this one for her.

Shopping. I love to shop, but only for myself. I love to shop for clothes, jewelry, computers, cars, almost anything. Spending money is fun. Getting new stuff is fun. Shopping is cool.

My Appearance. I like to be clean, look good, smell good, and make sure what few hairs I have left are in place. I am not as fanatic about it as I used to be. But I do take long showers, shave 6 days a week – sometimes 7, and always make sure all the clothes I am wearing match, even if it's just jeans and a T-shirt. I am a short, fat, gray and balding, out of shape man, so I have to make up for it any way I can. Yes, I color my hair.

Chick flicks. I like most of them, but not all of them. Some are truly too sappy. But Cary Grant is my favorite actor, and Myrna Loy my favorite actress. They both made comedy chick-flicks – not too sappy, very entertaining. My favorite movies are: The Bachelor and the Bobbie-Soxer, Walk Don’t Run, An affair to Remember, and Charade. Great flicks, even for guys.

Chocolate. I am very passionate about chocolate. I don’t eat anything from Hershey’s. That’s just dirt. Lindt is probably the best. My favorite brand is Côte D’Or. It’s Belgian. Can’t find it anywhere around here. Most chocolate that is used for chocolate fountains is of pretty poor quality. I guess people get the cheapest because they have to have a lot for the fountain. I can eat any quantity of good, quality chocolate, even desserts that most people find too rich. I like to eat my chocolate slowly, savoring the flavor, make it last. When I get my Côte D’Or chocolate, it lasts me months. Sam eats hers all in one day. I am almost as passionate about chocolate as I am about cars.

There are probably many other things I could mention, like the joy of emitting bodily noises, crying during sad movies, gossip, snoring, etc. I believe that no man is completely masculine, and no woman is completely feminine either. It’s okay. I think some people take more efforts to hide those qualities they possess that they think others might criticize. Those qualities do not make them more or less men or women, masculine or feminine. I have a step-father and a brother-in-law that are quite masculine, but appear fairly feminine. I once had a co-worker that was ten times more feminine than his wife. It was scary. I have also heard that 1/3 of professional football players are homosexual. Go figure.

I suppose femininity and masculinity don’t necessarily have anything to do with homosexuality and heterosexuality.